So today was a really hard day for me. I had a series of emotional meltdowns and this led to a lot of chaos around me. But towards the end of the day I had an aha moment and a deep realisation.
Almost two years ago, I decided to play a prank on one of my batchmates. It was nothing too big but the worst thing which happened was that one of my innocent batchmates got framed for it. She wasnt punished but its really painful to bear any false allegations on yourself. At that time, I didnt realise how deeply I had hurt someone, but today I did.
You know that the law of karma is often misinterpreted as “What goes around, comes around.” Let me make it very clear to you that the law of karma is not the law of venegeance. Its the Law of Humility. We are never punished for our misdeeds, we are always blessed. Why? Because when I suffered for the wrong I had done, I was humbled and felt blessed and releived. So if you are holding any guilt in your heart, let it go. If you are afraid of the outcome you will face, release that fear because there is no such thing as divine punishment. You will not be punished but humbled and blessed.
Guilt is a feeling which disturbs our peace of mind and causes a raging storm of emotional turbulence deep within us. We feel so awful and weird that we cant even describe how we are feeling. Let all that pain go. You will get your desired outcome anyway, so why live with all that stress and fear. The divine intelligence within us knows that we are on a journey to salvation and this journey includes a series of failures and rockbottoms which bring us more in alignment with our inner divinity.
There are a lot of misdeeds that I have done in my life. And to be very honest, some of them are still pricking my innocent heart like thorns. And I even feel afraid that I will be punished. We suffer not because we did something wrong, but because the darkness within us is set in a universal motion to proceed towards light. Feeling guilty means that you know that you have done something wrong. Its a good realisation. But its not a judgement that makes you a horrible person. Its not a sign that a punishment is on its way. Its a sign that you are awakening slowly and very soon you will be humbled by divine grace.
Negative emotions are really difficult to bear. Its not easy to feel okay when you are in severe emotional distress. The world renowned author and healer Matt Kahn has a very famous book which goes by the title “Whatever arises, love that” and I completely agree with him. Love is the ultimate healer. When you are in difficult situations, dont try to get rid of your negative emotions. Dont try to drown your grief and suppress your fear. That wont help at all. If you are having an emotional breakdown, its a good sign. It means that you are becoming more open and receptive to your feelings. And thats when you realise where the wound is and thats how to learn to heal it the right way.
I had a really bitter and emotionally traumatic past experience where I suffered from betrayal and abandonment. This time when a new change is coming my way, I am assuming that this time too is going to be like last time and nothing good will ever come my way. When I had these meltdowns, I became more open to my feelings and I realised that the wound lies in the past and is yet to healed. Whatever arises love that does not mean that you start liking what you do not like. Loving something means you open up your heart completely to feel all those feelings and anything that comes up along the way.
Resisting those feelings or trying to get rid of them wont make things any better for you in anyway. They will keep on bothering you unless you are ready to face them. Facing your fears is the only way to move forward. I know that its frustrating to be faced with the worst things in your life, but you know what that every obstacle that comes along the way brings you closer to the person you need to be to manifest the life of your dreams.