Its not easy to practise gratitude when times are tough. But thats when its needed the most. On normal days, simple gratitude practices like listing down three things we are grateful in our gratitude journal is enough. But on not so good days, we need a much more powerful and stronger gratitude practice. We must amplify and magnify this energy of gratitude so that we can harness this inner strength for healing.
Today I would like to share with you a practice which is super powerful to build up self compassion. We talk a lot about boundary setting and saying NO when needed. But there is one thing we forget. Every NO we say generates within us feelings of shame, guilt, anger, worry and fear. Whether it is declining a job offer, saying no to a movie date, not paying attention to a chronic complainer, saying no to further studies or marriage to take some time for yourself or saying no to lending someone money.
Just think of the last time you said no to someone or something. How did you feel? Were you afraid that you had hurt someone? Were you worried about the outcome? Were you ashamed? Self compassion includes healing all feelings that come up with saying that no.
Being grateful for your wins and your gains is easy but not enough. Just as we lay a lot of emphasis on loving yourself unconditionally, its also important to be grateful for anything and everything. I know you may not agree with this. When we talk about forgiveness, we do not say or accept someone’s faults as right or justified. We stop holding on to the pain and release the trauma by sending love to all so that we can be free from that unending pain and misery.
The same holds true for gratitude as well. Unconditional gratitude does not mean that you are happy for your losses or that you feel good because of them. NO, it means that you are grateful for the divinity this pain is invoking within you even if you cannot see it at the moment. Its not about being okay and putting on a brave face. Its about believing in love, no matter what. Its about realising that whatever hardships you are facing, whatever pain you are suffering from is a manifestation of the solution for the highest good. Whatever is happening with you, is actually happening for you and for the highest good of all.
“My pain is a solution for the highest good of all.”
This does not mean that you shouldnt try to make things better. It is a higher understanding of the fact that no matter what looks on the outside, in the divine order of events, nothing is ever unfair. Whatever hardships you are facing are a part of the solution for the highest good of all.
TRUST YOUR NO
Once you start with self compassion, you will see the feelings of shame, guilt, anger, worry and fear hidden deep within you. Trusting in a higher power, you now slowly begin to see your problems as a part of the solution for the highest good of all. You now see yourself as a vessel of peace holding a bitter liquid been poured into it by the divine forces. You are a part of the universe and the entire universe lies within you. Your pain is a part of the divine forces in action. Even your pain is divine grace.
I always believed that I take crappy decisions. Recently I took a decision to say no to marriage and further studies for a couple of months because I need some time to settle into my new job, adapt to a new place, give myself the time I need to heal and recover. Since then, I have had people around me judging me and criticising me for my decision. Today my mom said something to me and I had an awful emotional breakdown. It took me a while to understand that people are not the cause of my problems. They are only reflecting back to me what I feel deep inside of me. And deep within, I dont trust my no. I am afraid that my decision is a mistake I might regret forever.
Whenever you say no to someone or something, ask yourself “Will I be okay if this turns out to be a wrong choice?” If you cannot answer a yes to this question, it means that you do not trust your no and you need to think again.