Relationships change over a period of time. Things happen, arguments do take place and harsh words are spoken too. And those words still hurt, dont they?
In today’s post I wish to speak about the relationships which are very close to us and the way they are suffering because of the cracks that have developed in them. Nobody’s perfect. We all know that. No relationship is perfect either. Be it your parents, your kids, your grandkids, your siblings, your cousins, your friends, your spouse, your in-laws or your neighbours. Nothing is perfect. We might have had arguments with our loved ones and our relationship now has cracks we desperately want to fill. Things are just not the way they were and we really want to fix this.
Wisdom lies in understanding that these cracks cannot be filled. Once spoken, words cannot be taken back. Deeds done cannot be undone. But does that mean that the relationship has no future? Not necessarily. It is truly possible to respect those cracks or to put it simply, to respect those bitter experiences. Every bitter experience gives us a fair chance to put our spiritual knowledge into practice. Every unpleasant experience brings about a change in the relationship and this change must be respected.
For instance, one of your family members said something really mean to you which hurts you until the present day. But this family member has been supporting you in every way whenever you feel stuck. So what about the crack that has developed in the relationship because of what they said? Should you try to dissolve it? My answer is NO. This crack must be respected. The lesson it has taught you must be respected. And the change it has initiated must be respected too.
Nothing ever goes back to the way it was. One can never go back. There is only one path in life, the path leading forward. Cracks dont always mean that there is something which needs to be fixed. Sometimes, cracks may help in setting up firm boudaries. So if your in-laws tell you how embarassed they feel because of you being you, thats okay. Well, it does create a crack in the relationship, but the moment you respect this crack, it becomes easier for you to forgive, learn and be kind. It also becomes easier for you to set up good boundaries so that you can be your true authentic self no matter what.
Some things can never be fixed. And thats what makes them even more beautiful. On Halloween, pumpkins are carved and look quite cute and spooky. The lost pieces can never be put back and thats how the pumpkin looks now. Its no more an ordinary pumpkin. Now, its a spooky pumpkin for Hallow’s eve.
Our relationships are like those pumpkins being carved by life’s bittersweet experiences. Sometimes, things do hurt and these cracks do scare us just like the ghostly pumpkins. But trying to fill those cracks causes us to not be our authentic selves, results in people pleasing and makes it harder for us to be kind and loving. My relationship with my parents has gone through many turbulent times and it has so many scratches and cracks in it. Do I need to try to fill these up? NO, NO and a big No again. I choose to respect these cracks. I choose to respect their boundaries and my authenticity. Both of us have a lot of scope for improvement but neither of us need to change to fill in those cracks. I allow them to co-exist along with love and kindness.