Respect your anger. Most of us or lets say almost all of us have a lot of hard time dealing with our anger especially when we have careless co-workers, overdemanding seniors, highly judgemental family members and excessive workload. Our anger seems to be our worst enemy. It disturbs our mind and crushes our merry spirit.
The biggest problem is that we do not give our anger the time and space it needs. Reacting impulsively means you are disrespecting your anger. When you are super angry, your anger wont melt away in an instant. We need time to allow ourselves to heal from it. We need patience to understand that our feelings are temporary.
Your anger needs space. Reacting impulsively means that you are expressing it in front of the wrong set of people. You need someone patient enough to listen to you or you need some space to be alone and cry it out. Being surrounded by super annoying remarks and higly critical people, it often happens with me that I begin or end my day feeling super angry about it. If this happens at my workplace, I shut myself up in my chamber for a few minutes and take some little time to respect my anger and heal from it. At home, I prefer staying alone for a while and crying it out.
Recently I had an argument with dad over a petty matter. Although he was the one who initiated it and started on with his ranting about how careless I am, I too lost my temper and the argument reached another level. Later that day, I drank some fresh water and sat down in silence. My anger was radiating fumes of resentment and judgement and I let them arise. But at the same time, I picked up my phone and played some nice soothing songs. When people get angry or hurt, they play loud and angry music. I tried a different approach this time. I played some beautiful and merry songs and very soon I noticed myself being mindful of my breath.
Mindfulness is a practice which helps you process all your feelings in a much better way. Observing your thoughts and understanding what you truly want is the keystone to practicing loving kindness.
“Do I truly want to say something mean and nasty to him so that he shuts his mouth?” “Do I want to win this argument by hurting his emotions?” “Do I want to ruin a parent-daughter relationship over a petty matter?” NO. My answer is a big no. Similarly, every situation which makes you angry must be dealt with love and care.
When we gaze at the night sky, those stars up there appear as tiny dots. But in reality they are huge celestial beings larger than anything we can possibly imagine. Thats how others see you and your life. They are judging you from what appears to be the night sky. As human beings we have a tendency to quickly notice the darkness within someone. You do this to others and they do the same to you. But we all are beings of light. Yes, its true that you have your own flaws and weaknesses. But what you truly are is way beyond that. You will meet people who will see the light in you, those who will be able to see who you are beyond the darkness. And then there will be those who will never try to look at you beyond those layers of darkness. Thats all right. Those who have the habit of dimming their own light will never be able to perceive yours for sure. And this makes you angry. I know it does.
Anger needs time to heal. Its an invitation to love yourself even more. I know its frustrating, annoying and powerful. I know that it clouds your mind and disturbs your joy. But it also draws your attention to the ultimate truth. It shows you the true face of all. If someone is constantly making you angry, it teaches you a universal lesson in dealing with such people. If you learn to deal with an annoying parent or selfish co-worker, you have also learnt to deal with judgemental in-laws, mean bosses and disturbing neighbours. Peace and anger can co-exist simultaneously. I can have arguments with my friends and family and sit down to have dinner together all at the same time.
What we need to learn here is that anger isnt something to be cast away. It isnt something evil or shameful. Yes, it is frustrating and upsets us for sure. But if we know the truths of life then it all becomes magical. Matt Kahn says that anger is an invitation from the part of you that feels unloved to the divine within you. Its an invitation to love yourself more and more.
The biggest thing that we overlook when we are angry is what we truly want. Do we want to end this relation or we want a heart to heart conversation or we just want to let things be the way they are. When angry, our mind isnt clear enough to consider these things. For instance when someone insults you and this angers you a lot, what you truly want for yourself is to feel loved and respected. You do not want any heated arguments. And you surely do not wish to make the other person suffer. In a fit of rage, you might feel that you want to make him/her pay for it, but if you become mindful of your thoughts, you will realise that only and only kindness and compassion can lead to healing. Making the other person suffer means that even you wont be spared from that suffering. If someone insults me and I say mean words to them, the effect of those words will also be on my tender heart. If I yell at someone, its my energy that is being consumed, its my head that starts aching and its my vocal cords which bear it all. Similarly, for every harsh word I speak its my mind which stores it in its memory and its my soul which suffers from its consequences. You cannot feel better by making someone feel worse. And if you think you do, its a false sense of accomplishment that soon melts away and is replaced with guilt and bitter memories.