“Heartbreak is a gift.” Rebekah Borucki
Okay, so my grandfather made his transition last night on the beautiful ocassion of Janmashtami. May his soul rest in peace. Tonight the entire family, all my aunts and uncles, my parents and some distant relatives were having dinner together a few hours after the cremation. Everyone sat there talking to each other and the otherwise dull house lit up with their voices. One year ago when my grandfather was alive, I remember him saying these words to me,”I was fast asleep and thought all my kids and grandkids have come home. It was so pleasant. But there isnt anyone here.” So today all his kids and grandkids did come home but sadly he is no more.
My mom always says that its extremely important for family members to support each other when a dear one has passed away. I truly agree with her. But arent we supposed to be there for each other while we are alive? The topic that I want to shine light on is loneliness. We may be lonely when we are far away from our loved ones. We may even be lonely in the midst of the entire family. I have experienced both. So I can share some knowledge here.
Sometimes in life its just not enough. We are told so many times that we should be grateful for all that we have. Thats a wonderful advice for sure. But so often its not enough. You might have your entire family living with you and yet feel lonely. You may have the most caring people around you and yet feel lonely. Why is that so? Because they dont help us out of our misery. They are not the ones we can have heart to heart conversations with and they are certainly not the ones who have any compassion for us. Our family may comprise of a lot of judgemental people whose statements do nothing but make us feel worse. So we end up feeling lonely and clueless.
Those who pass judgements on others are not happy people. So maybe you are living with a bunch of unhappy souls who are trying to lessen their pain by passing rude judgements on you. Poor souls. When we light a candle in darkness, its flame enables us to see all there is. The flame of wisdom enables us to see how the pain and suffering these souls are experiencing is also impacting us to a great extent. Dr. Dyer said in one of his lectures that once you are in your highest vibrational zone, nothing can pull you down. No matter how dumb others are they too are lifted to match your vibration.
So how do we do this? It so simple to say it but when it comes to practice, we find ourselves caught in the same mental battle again and again. My mom and dad have been passing really mean comments on me these days. They dont do it on purpose, its just how they are. The result is that I feel that staying with them is taking a toll on my emotional health. And it surely is. But running away is surely not the end to any of my troubles. Today I want to leave my parents who honestly are concerned about me. Tomorrow I will push away my spouse who says stuff simply because he is worried for me. Then I will push away friends who maybe saying mean things as well but only with an intention to point out my mistakes. So this is going to lead to even more loneliness.
Let me tell you one thing. Everyone does not have a way with words. For instance instead of saying,”Darling you should be more careful in making decisions”, people often say,”you dont have enough knowlege to make wise decisions.” I know how much you feel like yelling and asking these judgemental people to shut up. But the truth is, these poor souls are just so f*cked up that their words are nothing but trash. Not always but most of the times all these mean remarks your family members place upon you are only out of concern.
Let me give you a really simple and rapid technique to feel better. Get the pearl and throw the trash and if there are no pearls throw it all. Let me explain. When someone says,”You are way too behind in life than others” immediately say to yourself,”I am on my own journey at my own pace which everyone cannot understand.” If someone says,”You are a burden on us” immediately say to yourself,”I am doing my best to be my best possible version.” Keep the pearls of wisdom and throw the trash away. In this way you take responsibility for your thoughts and begin to reprogram your subconscious mind.
Now if you take a closer look at this, wasnt this why you were feeling lonely? Werent you expecting some special person to say these same statements for you? Doing this for yourself might seem harder but with practice it only gets better.
Now coming to what I spoke about in the beginning. What if your loved ones are not staying with you and that makes you feel lonely? The best cure to loneliness is to help someone in need. Okay, I know that this isnt going down too well with some of you as the pain of loneliness is not that easy to heal. But hear me out once. I promise you wont regret it later. Two years ago when I was staying alone, my life was a mess. I would return from work and stare at the empty walls of my room. It was awful. I so longed for someone to speak to. I tried to deal with this by spending my time reading, cleaning and sewing. That did help but it wasnt the ultimate cure.
The ultimate cure to this misery is to do what you can do to make someone smile. Go on facebook, read through the posts of your wellness group and send loving comments to anyone in need. Knit a sweater for anyone you know cant afford to buy one. Craft a greeting card for someone who has no family. And if you dont really like these ideas, dont worry I have many more. Make it a habit to write a post on the page of any wellness group you are a part of. Even if you dont feel like it, try doing it on a regular basis for at least a week. Make small little notecards and write loving messages in them. If you arent comfortable giving them to people by hand, simply drop them in the mailbox of your neighbours or put them in the chief closet of your workplace. Invent your own tiny little ideas and cure yourself of the pain you are suffering from. May God bless you and me too.