Okay, so let me begin this post by making an honest confession. I am not much of a social person. Or lets say that I really dont like being in a group of people. The moment I meet someone new, I feel annoyed for no known reson. But today, something brilliant happened. I came across a new employee at work and all I wanted to do was run away in order to escape any conversation. I took a moment to reflect upon my thoughts and began to journal it all out. I finally realised where the problem lies. The moment I meet someone, all my mind can think of is what they must be thinking of me. At the conscious level, I may say that I am not a people pleaser but at the subconscious level I am so very afraid of what others may think of me.
One of the essential steps to gain mental freedom is to take responsibility for our thoughts. At a deeper level, our mind is only focussed on being the hero in someone else’s thoughts. Taking responsibility for our thoughts means that our thoughts should portray us as the hero.
At times, we are so afraid of being the wrong ones in others’ thoughts that we run away from conversations and avoid social gatherings. So lets come back to my experience now. Once I realised what my problem is I sat down next to my new co-worker and greeted her. She was the one to initiate the conversation. Although I was in no mood to engage in the conversation, I spoke to her politely and chose to be the patient listener. I did not force myself to act friendly as people often advise me to do. I simply sat there and noticed the thoughts that were bothering me. There were thoughts of shame, fear, guilt and regret from failed past experiences and above all there was this constant urge to run away. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that its good to be me and I dont need to act like someone else.
One of the best ways to change our perception is self hypnosis and the use of hynoaffirmations. A quick short practice each day gives me a little more confidence and I do feel and act in a much better way.
The next thing you can try is to understand that sometimes deep rooted shame can create such patterns. Sometimes we just dont know why we feel so ashamed. We havent robbed anyone, we havent committed any crime and yet we are so very ashamed of ourselves. You may not be aware of this but at the deeper level, our thoughts may still be reflecting the pain and shame of past failures. To deal with this, start with being honest with yourself. If you were wrong, forgive yourself and remember that we are all here to learn. If you just feel embarassed because you are afraid of disappointing others and coming across as a fool, let me assure you of one thing and that is that wisdom lies in embracing the fact that the only thing that matters is what you say to yourself.
Let me give you an example. Cassey Ho is a really famous fitness trainer and you tuber. You all may have heard about her. I simply love and adore all her videos and so love her confidence. Almost every video she puts up is attacked by really mean comments amongst all the praises and thanks. But she is still here rising and shining. Why? Because she does not say the same nasty stuff to herself. The problem only arises when are mean to ourselves.
So our biggest takeaway for today to take responaibility for our thoughts by being exceptionally kind to ourselves and to focus on being our own heroes.