We all must have heard of this beautiful advice. While some of us may not agree with it, some do feel that its a great way to begin adapting to change. So today lets learn about what this advice truly means and then you can see for yourself whether it helps you or not.
First, let me tell you about something I recently read. In her new book, the world renowned hypnotherapist Grace Smith talks about the four steps to mental freedom.
1- Taking responsibility for your actions
2- Taking responsibility for your thoughts
3- Reprogramming the subconscious mind
4- Giving it back
So, when we fake it we are actually taking responsibility for our actions. For instance, you have a terrible emotional meltdown at your workplace and you just cant control your tears. Your boss calls you a drama queen. How does that feel? Awful! Isnt it? But instead of yelling at your boss and creating a scene, you choose to silently move towards the washroom. You are not calm at all. You are super angry at your mean boss but by faking this bebaviour you are taking responsibility for your actions. You know that yelling at her wont make you feel any better. It will only add to your troubles not because your boss might get annoyed with you but because you will only get yourself even more stressed by initiating unwanted arguments which wont lead to any good.
I know that some of you are going to say that faking kindness does not make you feel any good. The suppressed anger is quite hard to handle. I agree. Thats because you are not taking the second step to mental freedom. Unless you start taking responsibility for your thoughts as well this wont do you any good. Now, thats easier said than done. But if only you could see how much your thoughts affect your life, you would be able to understand the importance of this process.
A minor rude remark can create millions of unhappy thoughts which torment us and mould our belief system. Once you start this practice you will slowly discover how many unhealthy beliefs you have been harboring in your subconscious mind. So coming to taking responsibility for our thoughts, what does this mean? Lets take an example.
Thoughts- I am so lonely. I have no friends. Its so hard to make friends at my age. My job doesnt pay me well. My parents are always pointing out my flaws? Why cant they see the good in me? Why do I feel so behind in life?
Taking responsibility for our thoughts- This by no way means that you can delete the negative thoughts in an instant. This means that you get to the root of the issue. When your boss called you a drama queen, what made you feel so angry? The fact that you did nothing wrong yet someone put the blame on you. These remarks hurt because you have placed your source of happiness outside of you. At the subconscious level, we have placed our source of happiness and peace in the compliments we receive. So if a compliment is your source of motivation, one nasty remark is enough to knock you down. If your parents saying,” We are so very proud of you” makes you feel good and confident about yourself, their saying,” We are so disppointed in you” will shatter all your confidence.
There is a beautiful saying which says that we must learn to be happy for no reason because if we are happy for some reason, that reason can be taken away from us. Your source of motivation, confidence, joy, peace and power should be you yourself. Placing this in the hands of someone else gives them the power to ruin your life. So taking responsibility for your thoughts begins with changing your source of happiness from things outside of you to the divine intelligence which lies within you.
Whenever we dress up, we are always wanting others to compliment us. So today I tried something different. I wore a soft cotton clothing in a dull pink colour and I wore a silver locket with a unicorn pendant. The clothing made me feel comfortable and relaxed while the unicorn pendant was adorable and served as a reminder of my creative talents. I knew beforehand that no one would compliment me and for the very first time I learned to place my source of happiness in nurturing myself instead of relying on praises and compliments.
The next step which will help you in taking responsibility for your thoughts is observation without judgement. By simply observing your thoughts, you are getting to know what all negative thoughts come to your mind, what triggers them and in what ways they are holding you back. For instance, my parents made fun of me today saying that I dramatised a particular situation. I felt terribly upset and angry. All the thoughts that flooded my mind involved saying mean things to them and making them feel even worse than I was feeling. But by observing my thoughts and bringing them to the light I was able to understand that this isnt something that will make me feel any better and I surely do not wish to add to my distress.
Finally, once we have observed our thoughts, all we need to do is to honor the feelings of which those thoughts are made of. Almost all my thoughts were made up of anger and resentment. Instead of suppressing this anger, I chose to honor it and allowed myself to feel all that I wanted to feel. And I finally realised that what others say is who they are and I am no one to judge them. Even if what they are saying is not true, I am no one to judge why they said that. You are no one to judge why your boss called you a drama queen. She has her own reasons no matter how silly they are. Giving up on judgements paves the way for freedom and kindness.