This loving information is not a substitute for any professional or medical help that you may need. Its just my love for you and an attempt to show you that you are not in this alone.
Overcoming the trauma of sexual abuse isnt an easy job. But it isnt impossible either. The pain of going through the experience of your body being treated in such a horrible way is devastating. And sometimes the pain of not being heard adds to the extremely toxic inner turmoil one is going through at the moment. Whether you are a male or female reading this, I extend a very warm hug to your wounded soul.
Yes, its true that your body was abused. You were harassed, exploited, hurt and wounded. The pain is so severe that it doesnt let you breathe. But you are still breathing. The agony it has brought you makes it really hard for you to look at your nak*d body. The scars and marks create a sense of disgust within you. You dislike every part of your body. But your body does not dislike you.
Just for a moment, only for one second, say this softly to yourself,”I love my body. It belongs to me.” Even if it feels miserable to say this, just say this at least once. You are a brave soul. You can say this once. I know you can.
Cry out loud. But dont push God away. I know you are cursing him. I know that you no longer believe in him, but for your own sake, hold on to him for a few more moments. If you are a female reading this, hold on to your beloved Goddess for just one more second. I know that you can do this for just one more second. You are a brave soul. I know you are.
I know that you are caught in the misery of self-loathing at the moment. You are a brave soul. I know you are. You cannot tolerate being like this. I know this is unbearable. This feeling is so……………I am sorry. I cant put it into words. Feel it fully. Dont hold back anything. If you are with those who are supporting you, just try and describe how you feel even if only a word comes out of your mouth. Feel that feeling. I know its tormenting you. But I know that you are brave enough to feel it. Honor each wound. You are allowed to feel it all. You are a brave soul. I know you are.
For a moment, just hold a vision of your beloved God or Goddess. Just for a moment. I know you are screaming and yelling at her. “Why did you let this happen to me? I dont believe you exist.” Go on. You can say as many curses to him as you want. But just for a minute, hold that vision and say,”Thank you.” Before you start showering me with curses, please pause and say it. Please dont ask me why? I really dont know what should you be thankful for. But I know that you are a brave soul. I know you can say this at least once.
Kindness washes away all pain and heals all wounds. I know that there is a voice in your head which is saying,” You are disgusting. You are dirty.” Lets call that voice by any name. Lets call it princess. Say to her,” Princess I love you. But I really want you to know this that I am not dirty, I am healing.” Say this again and again and again.
Feel your beloved Goddess embracing you now. I know that you really want to push her away. But thats the most unkind thing you shall ever do to yourself. Stay angry with her, yell at her, but please dont push her away. Feel her hugging you and soon you shall feel more open to your feelings. She is pouring love into your wounded heart. Drop the why and allow yourself to receive it all.
You arent at fault. Neither do you need to carry this shame within yourself. Kindness is what you need the most from yourself. Do not be hard on yourself. Your soul is love and love is enough. Your body is your garment which this love can heal. Allow that to happen.
Surrender all your pain to the divine. Dont keep holding onto it. Its not your fault at all. Yes, the truth of your present situation wont change, but regretting it will do you no good. A regret is a wish made in the past tense which can never be granted. But you have the power within you to love yourself fully embracing all your wounds.
There are sh*theads who are going to say things like,” You should have been more careful. You should have seen this coming.” They are fools. This experience isnt only about logical lessons. It has brought you so many spiritual lessons. The most amazing sacred feminine coach Syma Kharal underwent physical, sexual and emotional abuse as a child. Now when I listen to her speaking I realise that its not ony about being strong on the outside but also about being brave on the inside.
Be willing to forgive. I am not asking you to accept that what happened to you was correct. Forgiveness is the ultimate healer of your wounds. It means that you will not let yourself be defined by this incident. Dont term yourself as a victim of sexual abuse. Dont choose to be a victim. You are a loving powerful soul who is going through a tormenting phase in her life. Nothing lasts forever. You are not a victim. Dont let anyone make you feel that way. You are the incarnation of a Goddess and I want you to believe that. A Goddess remains a Goddess no matter what. You are who you are and that is the embodiment of the divine.
Forgiving all those who wounded you does not mean letting them off the hook. It does not mean that you dont deserve justice. It means that you as a soul are willing to transcend these traumatic experiences. It means that you are willing to be so super kind to yourself and be so gentle with your tender heart that there is no room in it for bitterness and resentment. You deserve to be free. You no longer wish to carry this pain in your heart. You neednt do it all at once. Its just a choice for self kindness that you make in each moment. And I know and I believe in you that you will heal. The universe loves every bruise, every scar, every part of you. And it has your back the whole time.